For years I questioned the uniqueness of my birth and all the complications that came with it. I am now very aware that the thing many called a curse was actually a blessing. Though I never had the childhood I always dreamt of what I did have was the gift of a very unique perspective of life that few have the privilege of receiving. Throuhg most of my adulthood I wrestled both with my identity and the belief system I so strongly clung to. These were the learning grounds, the living classroom Goddess had prepared for me. This morning while relaxing in my morning bath, being retired is great, I found myself once again counseling a young trans sister in the Middle East who is struggling with her own identity. And this is the point where self-discovery kicked in once again.
My own choice to “come out” was 58 years in the making and I remember every price I thought I would pay, everyone and everything I would lose if I chose to reveal myself. It was painful, lonely and filled with countless doubts and second guessing but I had to either come out or go insane. My cost estimates were close to accurate and I adjusted my new life and tried to carry on as before. Wrong answer. Then in Her love for me Goddess started calling out to me, drawing me to Herself and this time the costs were actually higher and yet I willingly chose to follow my Beloved Mother. I have no regrets for any of my choices and never will, they both brought Life into a dried up vessel.
Today as I counseled Monica my self-discovery kicked in. I began to see how doubly favored I have been first by my life in the male world and more importantly being called to serve our Mother. I thought of the life energy flowing through me and saw countless generations of sisters before me walking their own paths. The sisters who had to hide tyheir love for Goddess, the ones who had paid for their beliefs with their lives. That same life force resonates within my spirit today. Over countless centuries my fellow Witches live their lives in a way that kept alive the mysteries of the Goddess and Her love for us. Rituals and rites of remembrance solidified the ancient beliefs from one generation to another. Even as I was blessed to give counsel to Monica in her transitioning other sisters within the Sisterhood imparted and passed on the wisdom and knowledge we cherish today. That old mindset of counting the costs was the great determiner, It is the Prize! The prize of living as my true self! Not just the gender thing but the privilege of being called by Dea and the joy of answering the call to walk as a daughter, a Witch and a Priestess in Her service. The realization that the same life that has been housed in my sisters since time began is coursing through me as well. I share the spirit of the goddesses who have walked this earth and reside now within the Universe and within me and well. How can you compare any price required to live such a blessed life? To be able to live in this exact time and be surrounded by a Sisterhood the stands with me in unconditional support? How can I put a price on a life that was a freely given gift from my Beloved Mother? We were chosen in this very favored space in time, our own journeys built upon the struggles of our sisters before us. I am overwhelmed with gratitude regardless of whatever obstacle may come before me.
I remember this morning talking with Monica and thinking how blessed we were to live in a time when Air can be used as a tool to reach across countless miles to touch the lives of those we care for. The same life energy that presided over the ancient pyramids is equally present in our lives as well. I am, we are. Daughters of eternity, one with the Universe and one with one another. Thank you Dea from the depths of my being for all the blessings, ther favor and the calling you have placed in my life.
Not a bad way to start such a Magickal Year!